Travelling today, I spent some airport time browsing the magazine stands and found countless covers with promises of weight loss, look-your-best, get flat abs etc. I don't blame the media for my ED, but it sure isn't making it easier to recover. Letting go of the body obsession and finding your inner worth becomes all the while harder when you're bombarded with the message that all that really matters is appearance. Preferably a thin and well-toned one.
One magazine claimed to have the solution to giving up comfort eating. I quickly flipped to that page, to get an idea of what they had in mind. Anorexia recovery joined with recent bursts of bingeing (fortunately no purging though) has made me acutely aware that I need to somehow find balance in my eating. But there wasn't anything new in that magazine. Keep a food diary. Find other ways to feel good. Don't buy that food you can't keep away from.
I put the magazine back. I'm sorry, but I'm not a stupid girl and I still struggle with these things. It's not as easy as they make it out to be! The last advice, for example. Of course I shouldn't buy chocolate when I know it can set me up for a late night binge. Duh. The kernel of the problem for me isn't that I buy it. It's WHY I buy it. What is it about that purchase that makes me feel comforted? What is it I don't allow myself that makes me feel the need to compensate with a chocolate treat? Food? Intimacy? Spontaneity? Relaxing? Failing? And why can't I allow myself this thing, whatever it is?
Mamie x
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