It's getting dark outside and I'm tired of work. My mind keeps wandering, off to where my real focus is these days. On getting better. Finally freeing myself from this. It feels like it's within reach now. I've had cookies and chocolates in my room for days now without touching them. More importantly, without the desire to. And I've also given some serious thought to what I want from all this. I don't want to put myself back in a place where I don't eat anything, deny myself all things good and get anorexic again. As much as I must realise when I really don't feel like eating something, I must dare admit when I actually do.
I stood for a moment today just watching people on the street from my kitchen window. Walking by. So many people, so different and unique, each and every one. Their weight was such a small part of who they were for that brief moment they passed. If I had seen myself walking past, ten pounds more or less on my body would have made a very small difference to how I looked.
Today, for the first time in a very long time, the thought came to me for a split second. This weight obsession doesn't matter to anyone else in the whole world but me. Why complicate my life because of it?
Mamie x
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This is lovely, Mamie. Keep up the positive outlook and be proud of your accomplishments. You've shown such courage and strength against your ed.
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