Exercise-less

I really love to run. Honest to God. This is not something my anorexic self has convinced me of so that she can burn off more calories and torture me more efficiently. It's just a genuine passion of mine. Running for me- preferably early in the morning- is meditation. Time for myself. Thinking time, awakening time, energising time. It's one of the few times when I can appreciate my body and when I feel that body and mind connect. And it helps me with eating, because it makes me hungry and it makes me want to refuel.

But however much I love it, I can't do it every day.

This past week has been beautiful and sunny. I've wanted to go out every morning. And I have. Up until today. Exercise is great, but I realise that it can't be done everyday. That's borderline obsession. And going from a food obsession to exercise obsession just doesn't feel very appealing to me... I don't want this to become excessive.

I therefore tried to "trick" myself this morning. I set my alarm a bit later, so that I woke up at the time when I normally come back from my run. To discourage myself from putting on those running shoes. And I can tell you, it was hard! I stood like an indecisive idiot for a while, looking out at the sunny day, contemplating whether or not I should go out for a run anyway. I didn't in the end. I took a shower, and reasoned with myself that I could always go later in the afternoon if the urge was too overwhelming. But here's the good thing- once I got into my day and the afternoon came along, I felt fine. The habit of running in the morning made me crave it badly when I was just out of bed, but once I broke that habitual urge, it completely subsided.

So tonight I'm feeling pretty good. I gave my body a well-deserved rest, and I'm not feeling any urges to binge. I still have miles to go, but you've got to appreciate the small things.

How are you all doing?

Mamie x