Keep going

Yesterday did go quite well. I lost some control just before going to bed- apples and a few cookies swallowed at an impressive speed- but I'm not going to be too hard on myself. I know why it happened and I should learn from it instead of feel awful about it. So, lesson learned? Don't let the day go by with too little food- even if I don't feel hungry, it will just result in a binge later on. My body will rebel against the anorexic control, and in all fairness it's actually entitled to do so. It takes me through so much, every day, and yet I expect it to live on next to nothing? A second lesson: don't reach for the apples when you know it's the cookies you're craving. You'll end up going for the cookies later on anyway, and feel a thousand times worse. A person with normal eating behaviour (does that exist anymore?) would eat whatever he/she desired at the moment. And then he/she would probably stop, because that desire would have been fulfilled.

For today, I'm keeping these things in mind. I started off the morning with a short run to get outdoors and get some fresh air, and it woke me up in the best of ways. Now I've had a solid breakfast and feel really satisfied, ready to start studying. And for lunch, I'm going out with a friend. I've made a promise to myself NOT to choose the food item on the menu with the least amount of calories. Whatever I pick should last me properly so I don't set myself up for a binge tonight. And it should be something I really have an appetite for. Although to be honest, my appetite is very difficult to interpret these days. I just don't know for sure what I want. Well, that's a whole new topic in itself...

Hope you have a really good day everyone!

Mamie x