Not so bad

I buried myself in work today. Tried to focus on something else besides the furious anorexic voice trying to make me panic. And I got through. Even had a quite nice day in the end. I'm going back to uni tomorrow, so the whole family had dinner together to say goodbye for now. Normally that makes me claustrophobic- nowhere to hide, food abundant and always dessert. But tonight I was thankfully okay and just enjoyed the family moment.

Earlier today, after my shower, another thing made me question my immense feelings of panic. I saw myself in the mirror and didn't hate what I saw, as I would have expected. I wasn't fat or disgusting because I ate too much last night. Truth be told, I thought I looked quite good. I'm having a hard time dealing with gaining weight lately, but why? I've started to look good. I've actually got a hint of curves now. So who cares what the scales tell me? Those are just numbers. In reality, it's really not that bad. It may in fact be very good.

Mamie x